I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
