You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
