is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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