But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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