I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize