You can't special order awesome
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
