im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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