first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
