is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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