i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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