Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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