I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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