I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize