if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
