someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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