Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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