his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
