Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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