Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize