At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
