Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
