im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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