I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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