proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
