where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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