The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
