I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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