Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
