Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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