I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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