My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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