so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
