Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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