fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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