When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
