I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
the raccoons are back...
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