hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
