I didn't shave. On purpose
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
