I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
