Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
