she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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