Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
