So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
