New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
