There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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