I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
