We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
