Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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