You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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