bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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