I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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