I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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