I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
