I wish I could punch you in the face.
where am i from again
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Farmville is her only friend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
