my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
