YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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