I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
