I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
