fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
