Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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