He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
