I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
