What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
